“世上有人为我加油” #彩虹能量征集活动

没有人故意要去生病，变成一个无法做好自己工作、无法承担责任与本分、无法融入这个世界的人。反复吃药没有好结果，身边的环境无法正常生活，连思考能力都丧失了。身心俱灭的日常，来不及让我去组织通顺的语句来记录。等恢复一些再回看从前的记录，毫无逻辑，需要不断重复。

No one chooses to fall ill, to become someone unable to fulfill their responsibilities, embrace their work, or connect with the world. The relentless cycle of medication, with no lasting results, an environment that doesn’t allow me to live fully, and the loss of mental clarity—all of this has been my reality. My daily life, ravaged in both body and mind, leaves me without the strength to even organize coherent thoughts. When I look back at my old notes, they are full of repetition, without logic, as I try to piece together what I have lost.

而当我下定决心自行停药，持续的药物戒断反应接踵而至，浑身疼痛的生命像是摆脱了时间的束缚获得了永恒。于此同时，我的神经不再被大量的药物所抑制后，出现了强烈的反馈力，创伤的记忆和复杂的情绪被唤醒，每一种溃烂的感受都变得清晰而锋利。

Then came the moment I decided to stop the medication. The withdrawal symptoms that followed were overwhelming. My body, filled with pain, seemed to escape the grip of time, finding an eerie stillness, almost eternal. At the same time, without the suppression of the medication, my nervous system came alive with powerful feedback—memories of trauma and complex emotions awakened. Every painful sensation became vivid, sharp, and real.

注意力不集中，失去了行动的能力，看不懂书上的内容，说话时语无伦次；无法灵活处理日常事务，无法合理制定计划，反应速度变慢，原本很有效率的工作需要很长的时间。所感知的世界变得无法描述，无法中止闪回，身体频频接收到危险信号。逐渐的，我对自己的每个念头，再也不相信了。

My attention scattered, my ability to act was lost, I couldn’t even understand what I read, and words became jumbled in my speech. Simple tasks became unmanageable. The world around me became indescribable, flashbacks were relentless, and my body signaled danger at every turn. Gradually, I stopped trusting my thoughts entirely.

拿掉那些标签和“勋章”，我才看到自己：无声哭泣的我；发挥不了价值自身的存在就被全部否定的我；因此比任何人都残忍地逼迫惩罚自己的我；时常责难、嘲笑自己的我。

Without the labels and “medals,” I finally saw myself for who I am: the one who silently weeps, the one whose existence feels worthless when I cannot bring value to it, the one who punishes herself more severely than anyone else could, the one who constantly criticizes and mocks herself.

我受到损伤，我重要的一部分被毁坏了——那就是我生命的种种事实；而在事实的对面呢，仍然有我可以成为、连结和支持到的人，只要我仍能用语言、用画面、用音乐、用故事、甚至抽象难懂的那些符号/意象，去表达，我便没有迷失掉生活的灵魂。

I have been hurt, a crucial part of me has been shattered—my life’s truths. Yet, on the other side of all these truths, there is still a part of me that can become, connect with, and support others. As long as I can express myself through words, images, music, stories, or even abstract symbols and imagery, I have not lost the soul of living.

苦难需要坚韧，但更需要自我照顾，即使暂时失语，我仍有其他方式去说出艰辛和痛苦。疗愈和恢复不是在寻找藏身之处、是建造属于自己的安身之所。

Suffering requires strength, but it also requires self-care. Even when I have lost the words to speak, I still find other ways to express my pain and struggles. Healing is not about finding a place to hide; it is about building a place of safety, a place where I belong.

创伤使我们不断面对自己的脆弱，以及亲历着人与人之间的冷酷，但也使我们清楚看见自己卓越的韧性。我终于确认，我的生命，从来都不是为了分享炼狱恐惧而来，我终会让生命重生带着强大的爱来到人间。

Trauma forces us to confront our vulnerabilities and witness the cruelty of others. But it also reveals the incredible resilience we possess. I have finally come to realize that my life was never meant to be consumed by the fear of suffering. I will rise again, with the strength of love, to bring that love into this world.

因此，我决定为自己发起“彩虹能量”收集活动。

Therefore, I have decided to initiate the ‘Rainbow Energy for Strength and Healing’ Collection Campaign for myself

此时的我正浮出水面呼吸调整自己。即使很痛苦，也还是努力慢慢地呼吸着，我正尝试从自身向外延伸，重建珍贵的安全感。首先我正在练习如何好好照顾我自己。在这个过程中，来自他人的支持对我来说很有意义。

At this moment, I am emerging from the depths, breathing and adjusting. Though painful, I continue to breathe slowly, striving to extend myself outward and rebuild a sense of safety. Above all, I am learning how to take better care of myself. In this process, support from others has been so meaningful to me.

我邀请愿意参与的朋友，你们可以通过自己比较喜欢的多元形式为我加油。

我会将这些按照不同类型在我想象中代表的色彩，整理成专属于创伤恢复的“彩虹能量系列”，通过收集、制作和阶段分享的过程，和你们一起走过这段疗愈的路。

I invite those who are willing to participate to cheer me on in your preferred way.

I will organize these messages into a Rainbow Energy Series that represents different colors symbolizing various forms of support. Through the process of collecting, creating, and sharing them in stages, we will walk through this healing journey together.

你可以分享任何形式的支持主题，例如：

You can share any form of supportive message, such as:

可以通过任何你感兴趣的形式，可以是文字、图画、以音频或视频的方式表达、日常瞬间的记录、你所想要让我知道的美好事物……

You can share through any format you prefer, including: Text, Drawings, Audio or video expressions, Records of everyday moments, Beautiful things you wish to share with me……

如何参与

How to participate

邮件｜Via email

[email protected]

留言平台｜Via the padlet